A Pause With a Clause

time-3143543_1280

When my friend Lina…
Told me that her man…
Suddenly asked her…
To hold his hand…

She was surprised…
He was nearly crying!
She held him close,
But this sudden request…
Many questions, did pose…
In my friend, Lina’s head!

She went on to research…
Found a probable cause…
But she was triumphant…
That hubby showed “flaws”…

She couldn’t help reflecting…
On a few years ago…
When she cribbed to hubby…
That hot flushes wouldn’t go…

At that time… Hubby was flippant…
Said, “Get over it Lina,
Don’t act so crippled!”
Lina felt belittled…

We’ve all felt that thing…
At some time or other…
That thing affecting women…
No, never say never!

Some of us will feel it…
Sometime in the future…
When the biological clock…
Slows down it’s ticking…
And female hormones…
Take a licking!

It’s a physical, visible change,
Menopause shows…
And for the life of me,
The world seems to know!

It’s not just a physiological change…
Oh that’s relevant too…
Anxiety builds and heart will race…
I’m told hot flushes are more than a few!

It’s a mental change, it’s scary…
It makes one wonder and wary…
Am I the only one,
Feeling that I’ve lost…
My place in the sun?

There’s anger, just for nothing…
Without any iota of provoking …
There’s cranky, crabby, snapping…
It happens without knowing!

One minute, it’s there…
The next, it’s gone…
And why and where…
Did all that rage come from?
It leaves you with your hair
(and your psyche)

Without volume, and thinning,
It’s such a sorry state…
You never feel like grinning…

Sometimes mothers prepare you…
And that can be comforting…
But I dare say it prepares you…
For the real thing!

Piled high upon this bipolar spire…
Are kith and kin who,
Patronizing, fire…
Almost scoffing at your fate,
They say…
“Mum’s gone mad,
She’s just gone crazy…
She wasn’t ever like this”…
You glare at them, tired, lazy,
Too fatigued to react…
This isn’t the season to strike back!

My friend went through…
This very phase…
And her gynaec told her…
At every stage…
“Your husband should…
Hold your hand…
Your son should understand”…

The key word here is ‘should’…
Can they ever understand?
No, they never can…
No, they never would!

Until it’s the turn of the man!
Now the fun starts for the lady…
As the man alters from the inside out…
And is filled with confusion…
And self-doubt!

WE expect it…
The men, they don’t…
It comes from the fact…
That nothing rotten…
Touches them, it won’t !

Comparing themselves with Thor,
The men pride themselves…
With being kind of, like God…
Many, like my other…
Think they’re the Oracle…
An all-knowing commander!

So obviously, they don’t have a clue…
About what they’re going to go through…
In their forties or so…
Maybe earlier…
There’s no set man-age…
Thoughts get blurrier…
Man, from Oracle…
Turns to worrier…

Where is that Thor now?
These feelings that require…
Proficient coping skills (and how!)…
Make Thor oh so tired…
That gender can’t fathom the flu…
Much less these new…
Symptoms he’s going through!!

Honestly, I didn’t know…
These androgynous alterations existed…
Till a male friend enlightened me…
He spoke animatedly and was quite disgusted!

He said,
“Man-o-pause…
Has no laws…
No doctor tells you…
And if a man knew,
His mouth stays shut…
He thinks he’s weak…
If he ever tweets…
About testosterone declining…
How can men admit…
That soon, they’ll be whining?!”

This was a revelation…
And I’m ashamed to admit…
For a woman who thought she was aware…
This hit me like a ton of bricks!

It’s other name is Andropause…
And what exactly is the cause…
For its lack of awareness?
Why doesn’t the subject…
Get the love it deserves?

While the medical fraternity is still in doubt…
There’s enough evidence that…
It’s lurking about…
It’s a slow change…
Can last a decade…
As it’s a hormone decline…
That’s not very rapid…

Ask men in their forties…
Do they have an inkling…
Of change going on…
If honestly said, without blinking…
They’ll disclose, and declare,
Yes! Strange feelings and thoughts are there!
These, they’ll disclose,
Often scare!!

Most males only face this…
Well into their sixties…
By then, they’ve admitted…
To old teeth and old knees…

So it’s gradual most times,
But you can’t say for sure…
It can hit some earlier…
And that’s all the more…

Worse still to deal with…
When a man of pure grit…
Slows down in fits…

It’s puberty in reverse…
A Benjamin Buttons thing…
Except you don’t grow younger ,
And you don’t have that zing!

The “manly” qualities will fade…
But still the man will say,
“Oh I can lift a load of weight!”
But when he tries, eyes dilate,
Falls to the ground…
And that’s his fate!

There’s documented evidence…
That a lot of the male population…
May never have the experience…
But if they do, it’s crucial…

To know that it exists,
That loss of hair…
Comes with flabby hips…
And bristles sprouting here and there!

There’s an emotional change as well…
That famous mid-life crisis…
When all the senses swell…
To extremes of failure and depression…
When man is pausing to question…

Somehow, the women hold on more…
To their own “woman-ness”…
I’m told HRT somewhat evens the score…
And then there’s always make up…
And if all else fails, Botox!

A parallel is portrayed well…
In Martin Amis’ novel’s opening line…
“Cities at night, I feel…
Contain men who cry …
In their sleep…
And then say nothing”…
A sense of an expiry date…
Acutely comes in bouncing…
And who was once Superman,
Becomes Clark Kent, floundering!

It is more a crisis of identity…
In men, who’ve been brainwashed…
Since infancy… to believe…
They are a heroic, hectic breed…

Right from the time they buy…
That first adventure comic book…
They’ve bought into the idea…
Of how to be, to think, to look!

Their interior scenery is to be…
Heroes in an epic…
While we’re ingrained to live out…
A domestic drama relic!

So when men behave…
Childish and churlish…
They’re often told, “grow up!”
This only adds to the misery…
Of coming out with their stuff…

So we may grumble about menopause …
But we have outlets…
And openly, a cause…
For much erratic behavior…
Menopause,
To us, affords…
A kind of savior !

By Scherezade Mansukhani

Scherezade Mansukhani

Scherezade is a Clinical Child Psychologist, Part-time mother, blogger, French teacher and IATA teacher. She has worked with the differently abled, and now works on and off as a teacher.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s